Life's Hard

my life so far has been a right bitch. watching my whole family split up watching my parents divorce, my sister trying to stab her self with a knife and actually doing it but not harming her self to bad , watching her try and kill her self a number of times , my mum suffering depression and trying to overdose on my dogs old antibiotics and her anti depressants watching my nan slowly die of cancer and seeing her dead cold and lifeless in her coffin, being beaten by my mums ex partner and me having to throw things at him to get him off of my mum for he was strangling her , nearly being kicked out of my house for my mum was in debt.. then meeting who i thought was the best person in the world Ty Jenner , although he fucked up my head and made me really upset and depressed, i tried to kill my self on a number of occasions and self harming, i want my life over  and done with i don't want to be here but im sticking here in this shit hole world , i have 3 amazing friends Sasha Groves, Louise White and Tara-Marie Mcgann , they have helped me through everything and im staying here to help them and repay the favor , they are my world all i ever wanted in friends . i think to my self what would they do if i just went and died somewhere in a ditch off the M6 or something  and i just cant bear to see them all upset because I've gone im not trying to say that i make them happy or anything but i try to help and it works sometimes for them. 

     then theres the other side to my life where i think im the ugly fat slag that i am, i think im useless no need to this world at all , i cant get a decent boyfriend i don't wear nice clothes , i look like a boy i cant fit in all the girls clothes so i wear boys clothes , i hate my life i hate hate hate it but im staying here to help people to show that i care.  im finishing on this note ,,, Lifes A Royal Cunt Up The Arse And Back But You Gotta Put A Fake Smile On And Get Through It :)